Opinion
Let’s play pretend… you’ve just woken up, and the day is already a nightmare. You didn’t get a wink of sleep last night because there was a thunderstorm, and your dog needed you; she came first. When you go to pour the milk into your cereal it spills everywhere, ruining your carefully constructed outfit. Now you’re running late and it’s time for school.
You just walk by your friend in the hallway and they can tell you’re having a rough day. But when they ask you what’s wrong, you brush it off as nothing, because that’s what it is. Right?
You’ve just barely made it home after your most exhausting day in a while – a triumph in itself – and your phone buzzes. Picking it up, you read the message. It reads like this:
Mom: Hey, how was your day? I’m going to be a little late so I need you to get your brother off the bus.
Deep breath.
You: Sure, my day was fine.
It’s a lie. Yet, the thought of burdening your mother is worse than telling the truth. Besides, you can handle it.
As human beings, we tend to deny our problems until they get to the point where the pressure is crippling. Involving other people is just another source of embarrassment. It gives them even more reason to stop talking to us all together. It creates conflict. But that’s not always true.
In high-schoolers especially, this is a big problem.
Every day kids are ignoring how they really feel. They put up barricades made of words that are meant to reassure everyone that they are indeed fine. And that’s generally not the case.
From a young age, when you’ve been taught that you shouldn’t be needy or bother your parents with anything not important, that tends to follow you as you grow into adulthood. Eventually, we learn to not bother others with our problems, because we have it in our minds that they’ll be too busy to help.
When that happens, we are refusing ourselves the aid that we might need. I know I’ve done it before, even if it seemed trivial then. I was having a hard time finishing an essay, and when my mom asked if I was okay I answered with those repetitive, telltale words. I’m fine.
Often the needle points to one of the major factors in all this: academic work (performance). So many kids feel the pressure to please their parents, and that just makes school even more of a struggle. We want to be perfect for our parents – to make them proud, and that’s not always easy. The constant strain takes a toll, to the point where you’re not fine. But you feel as though you shouldn’t reach out and bother others with your problems. Because why would they care?
Putting up a front between you and reality is just a way to cope. So, you don’t admit to yourself what you’re really hiding from. That you’re afraid to ask for help. That you’re afraid to admit that things aren’t fine. That you’re afraid you’re not good enough. Above all you want to be accepted, and if you have more problems compared to other people, that makes you the odd one out.
Emotions are overwhelming. I’ll be the first to admit it. It’s easier to just deny what we’re feeling and move on. But in teenagers especially, we must try to own up to what we’re feeling. I’m sure our parents are tired of the same response every day. How was your day? Fine. Even when it wasn’t
Denial is our go-to defense. If we ignore the situation for long enough it’s bound to go away. Right? Everything’s fine. Yet, when it comes to the day of a big test and you’re not prepared, you can’t really pretend like something isn’t wrong.
Think about it. Think about telling people how you really feel before answering with, I’m fine.
