What happened to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or Ring Around the Rosie? What about tag or hide and seek? Where did all the time go? Games had turned to chores and school went from exciting to torture. When did I stop playing imaginary and start living reality? 

I woke up one day and unicorns were only horses, mermaids were just large fish, magic became luck, and there was never any gold at the end of the rainbow. I watched as the person in my school photos grew older each year. Time passed like it had no idea it was going faster than the light. 

One moment I was quieting my brother down, so my mom did not know we were awake past our bedtime. The next, I was building shelves for his college dorm. I watched as my parents wished their firstborn off to live his own life. I must have blacked out for years because I still think yesterday was the day I toured the middle school with him. I can’t comprehend how these sixteen years went by so fast. 

Returning home with an empty seat beside me had an odd feeling. Only hours ago were we bickering and arguing. I don’t even remember what we were fighting about. All I know is that I came home and the room beside mine was unoccupied. 

No longer would I hear him yelling as I tried to sleep, or would I listen to him stomping around the house. As much as it all annoyed me, you don’t know what makes a house feel like home until it is gone. Now, I am not getting sappy, but I am being honest.

Growing up with a person and seeing them every night for the sixteen years I have been alive and then one day helping them move out is a foreign feeling. I can’t quite make out the exact thoughts in my head, but I know the house is empty. A presence is missing from the atmosphere, a piece is missing from the puzzle, and his name is missing from our stories. 

Yes, peace will ring throughout the house. I could finally go a day without losing my mind, but that keeps it interesting. When I used to be bored, I could easily walk into my brother’s room and talk until he kicked me out. Now, he has a choice to decline my calls or ignore my texts.

Family dinners only consist of three filled chairs, and the conversation isn’t as loud. His weird, sarcastic, and sometimes questionable jokes don’t randomly ring throughout the table. I can no longer plead on my hands and knees for him to drive me somewhere because he’s an hour or so away. 

Family shows aren’t the same without him yelling at me to stop talking or him consistently asking, “What’s going to happen?” when we all are watching it for the first time. I certainly don’t miss his thirty-minute discussions after each episode where he analyzes every minute. I will, however, miss the long-lasting fights over that one spot on the couch ever since our first family show. Together, we’ve spent countless hours huddled in the living room as a family watching every show from Survivor to Lost. 

I will say that not all bad things have come from my brother’s departure to college. I inherited his car, even if it is just for a year, and I intend to decorate it to my liking. Who says I can’t continue to annoy my sibling even if he’s miles away? He decided to do the brotherly thing of leaving me a car with no gas and in need of an oil change. It is only right to return his car decorated with stickers and flowery scents and without gas. 

Suddenly, everything seemed to zoom by me, leaving me behind, including my brother. I know he’ll be back to visit during breaks and summers, but it is still an adjustment. Almost every family who has watched someone go off to college knows the feeling. Adjusting to the change was quick, but I still have the feeling that I lost a friend.