When I first considered writing this story, I imagined it as a triumphant account of my prolific baseball career. Little did I know that I was wrong. Instead, this is a triumph of the mind and the never-ending process of Inner Excellence.
I was six when my grandma took me to my first Red Sox game. It was a beautiful night, a crowd cheering with heart, bright lights beaming down on those historic white uniforms, and I had my cotton candy. I was amazed by the nine men in uniform playing a game so well, especially with the pressure of the world watching them. There was a special moment to this night – one I won’t ever forget. During the 7th inning stretch, I was put on the jumbotron dancing with my cotton candy. I experienced immense joy and fulfillment feeling recognized by the world for the first time – just like those men. This is a feeling I left behind as I continued pursuing my dreams of playing baseball on the big screen.
When I started playing baseball, I was the ultimate teammate: shagging foul balls, filling empty buckets, and striving to help my teammates. But I always seemed behind everybody else, and when I realized that, it affected me for the best and worst. I started comparing myself and feeling down when I failed, which carried with me far too long. When those thoughts and feelings are left unchecked, they worsen. I worked even harder, in the gym and on the field, but I developed a strong anxiety within.
As I learned, I realized I’ve been subject to my results and the numbers on a scoresheet. It got to a point where we won the Div 3 High School State Championship in back-to-back years, and I still couldn’t fully experience that because I was still focused on striking out in my final at-bat of the game. Looking back at it now, that moment was a critical turning point in my life. I knew something was missing.
The Pursuit of Inner Excellence, by author Jim Murphy is about training your heart and mind to experience the fullness of life without worrying about the outcome – being fully aware of every moment. It states, “We all have the same deep needs and same deep desires.” Every human wants to feel love, as well as feel the fullness in every experience. It’s about going deep within your mind and heart to return to your ‘true self’ – the person who has extraordinary experiences, and shares unconditional love, the strongest energy, with others. Although the goal of Inner Excellence is not for extraordinary performance, it’s been proven as the by-product of mindset.
In my life, this perspective has helped me find the root of my past experiences and see the whole picture. Going back to when I first felt failure in baseball, reminding myself of why I started playing and how I felt playing before I had the fear of failure. My goal was to read this book to become a better athlete and leader. As I read, my goal changed to ‘raising the excellence in my life, to learn and grow, in order to raise it in others.’
I’ve learned that my results, win or lose, don’t change the person I’ve become in the pursuit of my goals. And, the most important thing about a goal is giving it your best shot and finding who you become in the process, regardless of the outcome.
I believe getting back to your true self is the most important thing, not being the best athlete or richest person. We all have something we love to push us to be our best. In this case, baseball is what I love. I found the goal of getting to the highest level, and the process that it takes to get there is where I find fullness in life.
Everybody relates to this in some way, athlete or not. It’s about the everyday battle within for personal growth and to be immersed in extraordinary experiences. Setting a goal so high and giving it everything you have for the sole purpose of growing and learning, while never worrying about really achieving that goal.
