And So The Heart Breaks…
Reagan Bouchard
“Funny how a broken heart keeps right on beating, isn’t it?” ~Cid Ricketts Sumner, Tammy Out of Time, 1958
Love without pain is not love at all, it is a false mask your heart wears in order to protect you from feeling the worst pain of all. This pain can only be seen through the tears of the lonely, the cries of the abandoned, and the pleas for the dead. It can only be heard through the frightening gasps of someone who has something to lose, the desperate wishes of someone who wants, and the trying-to-be-silent sobs that drift down the lonely street at night. So, maybe your heart is the only thing acting with its head because it guards itself from the devastating pain you will feel when love finally breaks it.
February 14th haunts her poor, unanswered dreams as she watches love flow freely between everyone but her. As her hand lies empty while others are filled with roses and chocolates, she remembers those moments. She remembers losing track of time in his eyes and having lost control from his laughter. She remembers the first touch and how it electrified every nerve in her body, and the first smile she’ll never stop capturing in her mind. She remembers the feeling- the feeling of warmth from someone who cared- and she’d continue to crave it again when all else fails.
However, love leaves you blindfolded in a minefield that you have to cross, but have no way of getting to the other side. Love is a passion so blinding you cannot see what truths lie right in front of you. She got caught up in these moments and did not see the damage truly being done. Day by day her hobbies drifted to be like his, her desires drifted to him, and her mind was no longer owned by her. Her actions were scrutinized under the magnifying glass he wore, and his ‘suggestions’ were now orders. But at least her hands were filled with roses.
February 16th, and the roses were no longer being watered. Without the proper care, protection, and dedication, a rose could die within hours of being cut from the earth. To be chosen as a rose is to have your life in someone else’s hands. They are merely a symbol of status in a relationship, an offering of peace, or a gift of kindness- either way, their purpose will always be for another.
So she stared at these three roses who were singing a sad, lonely song, and began to understand. Before him, she’d lost time in writing out her thoughts and had lost control over booking a trip to travel the world. She remembered the first time she saw the Great Pyramids and felt the ocean breeze on her face. She remembered her dream of becoming a mother and building a family. She remembered that feeling- the feeling of freedom without constraint- and she decided she would chase this instead. And so her heart broke.
February 18th, she finally looked closer to find it had already been cracked. Slowly, the heart began to chip after every time she told herself he was just having a bad day, or he just needed some sleep and would be better tomorrow. Cracks danced along the tattered edges, screaming for her to stop, but there she was in a minefield with a blindfold. She didn’t want her hand to be empty, so she took his to guide her to the other side. Every time a mine exploded, she brushed it off as an accident and never saw the damage that was done to her. When her heart finally broke, it was so it could finally heal.
