The thoughts that waltz around in my head as I try to pass the slow walker.

But there aren’t just slow walkers; there are also:

• The ones that walk too slowly that you step on their heels but also too fast that you can’t pass them. #pickupyourfeet
• The one who is just an AMAZINGLY slow walker… You know what I’m talking about. #makesmeangry
• The one that walks so fast that you are a full-on sprinter to keep up with them #trackstar
• The one that can’t walk in a straight line to SAVE THEIR LIFE I mean, hey, if an alligator is chasing them, they will survive. #lifelessons
• The one that manages to trip over every other step they take #safetyhazard.

Let’s start with our dear slowpoke, Mr/Ms. Pick-Up-The-Pace. Some do have reasons to be slow, but that doesn’t give the rest of you an excuse to do so. I am trying to get somewhere, and you PROCEED to slow down in front of me.

If you continue to just take a leisurely stroll in front of me when you can clearly see I have somewhere to be…

It will be the end of you.

I LOVE when I am late to a class or simply to anything, especially when I get stuck behind a GROUP of you. Now, if you are going to mope around as slowly as you physically can, PLEASE do not stop in the middle of the hallway to chat with someone you just saw a minute ago.

Now let’s talk…

The people walk too slowly to stay behind but too fast to pass, Mr/Ms. #Confusing.

You know the ones that make you mad because when you try to pass them, you end up jogging. I have no idea how that works or how that is possible, but man, let me tell you, it ruins my day.

In all honesty, when you make me JOG to PASS you, it brightens my day. Even when it’s all cloudy and gloomy outside, the run you make me go on just brings me rays of sunshine.

So thank you for that!

Now we have Mr/Ms. TRACK-STAR, who has the stride of a giraffe.

This, as we all know, allows us to get our sprint in for the day.

Now, I guess you could say that it’s good for two reasons: one, you get your daily run in, and two, you KNOW that you won’t be late for wherever you are going.

But at the same time, it is a pet peeve of mine when I have an extra hour to get where I want to be with them. But because they are at a full-on sprint, I have no choice but to follow at their quick pace.

Now we’re moving on to the one who always seems to be getting chased by an alligator. They will be swerving from side to side, bumping into walls as well as you, and you can’t pass them because you never know which way they will be walking.

I mean, this person is a loose canon wherever they go, so you better WATCH OUT.

But finally, after what seems like hours of trying to get away from these walkers, you can reach what seems like eternal peace and quiet.

But then, all of a sudden…

THUMP!

The sound you hear from this person is because they tend to trip over the air with every step they take.

#airismyWORSTenemy

Maybe it’s from when they were babies—they never really learned how to walk—or maybe it’s just simply not knowing their rights from their lefts. But they always seem to not be able to walk without tripping for a good two seconds.

This person should be wearing bubble wrap at all times, just so that they have a less likely chance of getting hurt. But there is also a bonus to them wearing it: you will be able to hear every time they fall, so you will know to be on the lookout.

The BEST part about all of these people is you know who they are, and they know that they are one . . .but they still decide to do it regardless of the danger they put others into.