By Desiree Fasulo
Disclaimer: Before reading, please understand that sexual assault is discussed, and it may be triggering for some readers.

Rape. It is a difficult and scary topic, and most people want to completely avoid talking about it, but it is something that needs to be talked about. It is a scary thing to discuss and surely must be an even scarier thing to have to happen to you or someone you love.

Women – and others – all over the world struggle with this. There are so many cases where someone has been sexually assaulted or raped, and they have to fight to get anyone to believe them. Unfortunately, it’s very often for victims to be blamed for their own sexual assault or rape. Even if people believe them, they may hear things like ‘Well, what were you wearing’ or ‘You shouldn’t have been by yourself’ or ‘You were asking for it’ or even ‘It’s your own fault’ and no one deserves to hear that.

Much of the time, if a woman is harassed, assaulted, or raped, it is “because of what she was wearing” or how she was ‘acting’. She may have to deal with the people around her not supporting her and not understanding, and then she must prove her situation to law enforcement  – unfortunately, having to relive it.

According to the Criminal Injuries Helpline, if this person is caught, and proven guilty, the maximum sentence is 20 years in state prison. That’s it. Ruin someone’s life, and you only have to do 20 years in prison. The victim has to find a way to live with that. She has to find a way to cope with the fact that someone used her body as if it were nothing. She has to learn to live with the fact that someone felt so powerful forcing her to do something she never wanted to do. Some people don’t even understand what consent is. Consent, by definition, is when one person voluntarily and verbally agrees to the proposal or desires of another.

I am so sick of hearing ‘girls, don’t walk alone’ and ‘girls, don’t wear provocative clothing’. How about we teach people NO MEANS NO! Or, be respectful. Don’t touch someone without their consent. What someone wears doesn’t determine how you treat them. Knock. It. Off.

People need to understand what is and is NOT okay. Touching or grabbing someone for any reason without their consent is NOT okay. Not for a kiss. For some, not even for a hug. Not for anything. Especially if you don’t know this person that well, or you know they aren’t comfortable with physical contact.

It is so simple. I truly do not understand why this is ever a conversation people even need to have. There isn’t a single excuse for such disturbing behavior. Not one: You didn’t have a good upbringing; You weren’t taught these things; That sucks. And I feel sorry for you. But that still doesn’t make it ok, or justifiable. Listen when someone tells you no.

According to RAINN, statistics state that every 68 seconds another American is sexually assaulted. Every sixty-eight seconds. 1 in every 3 American women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape in their life. The article even talks about how in 2009-2013, Child Protective Services agencies sustained or found strong evidence to imply that SIXTY THREE THOUSAND children a YEAR, were victims of sexual abuse. 7% of these children were just trying to attend school. 12% were sleeping.

According to the World Health Organization, the worldwide odds of a woman being raped is 1 in 3. 1 in 6 women in America. And to top it all off, statistics are predicted to be higher, as these are only the rapes that were reported. According to PETA, the odds of being attacked by a shark is 1 in 11.5 million. A woman’s fear of men is seen as irrational. Someone’s fear of sharks is not.

These statistics are proof that it isn’t a safe environment anymore. Our world can be such a dangerous place. You can’t walk alone-especially in the dark. They make drink covers because a woman’s drink is drugged so often and so casually. Revealing clothes makes women an object of desire and seems to determine whether she was ‘asking for it’ or not. This is horrible. This is heartbreaking information. And there is not enough being done about it.

America needs to address this issue more aggressively.  Each one of us can start by educating those around us, whether it be your child, your sibling, or a friend. We can start by simply talking about it more. It isn’t often talked about. Some people say “It’s just too awkward to talk about” or “It’s not like it’ll ever happen to us”, but the truth is, it needs to be discussed. Unfortunately, it could happen to you. Or your sister. Or your daughter. There is NO way to guarantee that it won’t happen to you.

***If you have been through this and need someone to talk to, here are some recommendations :

The National Sexual Assault hotline: 800-656-4673
A trusted adult
A guidance counselor