By Reagan Bouchard and Mikaela Groncki

Let’s talk about the fake news. . . climate change. Climate change is just a conspiracy theory that the government has put on, so we all freak out and go to them for help. They can now control us because we will believe anything.

Here is what people need to do: stop with the Chromebooks, phones, and all that technology and bring back the good old paper. Cut down more trees and release all that good carbon trapped inside. We need more houses and buildings to build. Who cares about the birds and bears before us? We are here now.  

While we are at it, I think carpooling should be banned. Everyone should drive their own car to prevent the spread of disease. We should get rid of these electric cars that are supposedly “good for the environment.” It uses so much electricity that we need to cut down the trees. We need a car that releases the good stuff-carbon dioxide. 

Do you know what is even better? Burning down tons of forests. We need some more space for all the houses and more businesses to make some money. We clearly don’t have enough, so let’s burn thousands of trees down to make some well-earned space. Our cities full of factories and roads aren’t enough; we need to take the home away from thousands of creatures instead.

The people who believe the conspiracy theory of so-called climate change need to stop saying, “We are killing our planet.” Actually, we are helping the planet by melting all the ice glaciers. We are making more space for the little fishies and big whales. They will have more room to play around and have fun. So, you’re welcome. (so they should be happy)

Also, for all those animals who need sea ice to survive, well if evolution is a thing, they can just evolve and learn to survive without it. They can find another source of food, a different habitat to live in, and a different place to give birth. 

With all that extra water we gave to the ocean, we need to get something good out of it. Let’s put ALL the trash in the ocean. It can just float there, and the fishies can live under it. They can all just live in harmony with each other. We need the space the landfills are taking up. Trash and the ocean just belong together. You know what? I ship it. 

These people are saying that the ozone layer is tearing and making holes. Apparently, that is what makes this planet so hot. If that is true, then that would also mean all the air is escaping from the holes. It’s not; I don’t know about you, but I can still breathe. 

If global warming is real, then so be it. I never complain about the hot sun or getting a tan. Plus, I love the ocean, the waves, the sand, and the creatures; is it really a bad thing if there is more of it? Exactly, so let’s all join together and make this happen, we can do it!