It’s lunchtime and you’re trying to enjoy your cold, flavorless, cafeteria food and then that one person sits down next to you. They squeeze next to you in the already crowded booth that is at max capacity. 

It is a very narrow space, and the suffocation starts rising. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with the person who respects my space, but boy am I exhilarated when the person who pops my “bubble” breathes down my neck. 

Meeting at meals is the best time to hang out with the “bubble popper.” They can chew right next to your ear. I don’t know where else I’d rather be. 

Thankfully, they like to lean forward to talk because apparently, my hearing is so bad I can’t hear from an arm’s-length away. I enjoy breathing the secondhand air just released from their bacteria-composed mouth. It is truly refreshing. People should offer this in spas; it’d be a big hit. 

For some reason, this person has not learned what the term “personal space” means and I couldn’t be more thrilled. It is wonderful to see them invading privacies and infiltrating boundaries. Good for them; they are breaking limits. 

It goes beyond the physical barriers of “space.” They love to pry into personal matters too. It is their way of life to read every text you send and have the knowledge of everywhere I go.

Every detail in your life must be recorded in your brain’s inbox. At least you know where to go if you ever forget an event in your own life. Also, the comfort of never worrying about trying to “keep it to yourself” because they will always find out anyway.

They should set a goal each year to see how long they can survive in another person’s bubble or for how many days they can hover. This must be their version of “reaching for the stars.” 

And of course, if we are sitting in a room full of chairs, they’ll decide to drag one right next to you and make sure to glue themselves by your side. Where else could they possibly go? 

Why should you be all mighty and get the privilege to breathe in fresh air, or sit somewhere that enables you to stretch your arms without hitting them in the face? Who needs space when you have a “bubble popper” sitting next to you?

It seems even if I’m not personally next to them, they are still with me. It is like their essence lingers and you can almost still feel their exhales against your skin. They certainly do make an impression and will be remembered.