Like usual 

Abby Ruscoe

You hang out with your friends like normal. Some of those friends have been there for years, some of them just kinda showed up recently. But it doesn’t matter, you care about them all the same. It’s a normal night with them. It should feel the same as it has for years; You’re happy to be with them. But there’s something else this time. Doom almost. Like a meteor is coming and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You have the realization that none of you can stop time. So you sit there with your friends having a really good time, but you also feel sad. You all know that you don’t have much time as a group left. It upsets you that your normal time with them will cease to exist in months. But you can’t bring it up because it will ruin everyone’s mood. You know everyone else feels it too though. It comes up in conversations by accident. When you say “maybe next year” then you have to take it back because you remember there is no next year. It comes up when you try to make plans too well in advance then you remember none of them will be here. It pops up when you do something you’ve always done with them, and then the thought of “what if this is the last time we do this” sneaks its way in. And, boy, is it good at sneaking in. At this point, it’s all you think about. I mean, after all, you are probably the one moving the farthest from home, so do you even have the right to worry? Why would you go all that way when you could stay with what you already know? You have to go through that thinking process anytime you’re with your friends and it gets exhausting. But you also have to realize that it’s bittersweet. When you begin to panic about how you can’t fit your best friend in your suitcase and bring her with you, you have to realize there is actually a point to it all. That you can move on. But you always carry your friends with you. They just won’t be there to hang out like usual.